I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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