He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
