youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
