i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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