There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
