Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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