Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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