She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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