its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
