I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
