I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
