It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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