No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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