he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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