Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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