I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
