I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
