i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
