i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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