Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
