my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
pop tarts are not kleenex
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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