We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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