Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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