i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.