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Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
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