She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again