I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night