remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life