Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher