Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.