I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize