new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
