Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
