i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
