What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
