I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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