why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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