He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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