what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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