I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
