So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
