Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
