Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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