We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
