opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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