theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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