judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
