I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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