Swine flu. Run for my life!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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