I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
