Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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