Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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