You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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