we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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