i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
