All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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