How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
