Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
