Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
