i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
