so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
