I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
