You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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