Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
