my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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