I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
