peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
