all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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