You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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