My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
