Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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This gyro tastes like lonliness
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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