i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
