Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
